April 17, 2023
Key Questions and Sentences Towards Wisdom
In March, I had the wonderful opportunity to chaperone Kansas 4-H youth to the Buckeye Leadership Workshop in Ashley, Ohio. Every morning at this workshop, they have an optional early morning inspirational time they call Morning Moments. Those of you who know me well, know that early mornings are not my jam. But at Buckeye, I try really hard to attend these optional sessions in the morning because they help kick off the day in such a meaningful way.
The first session I attended, I was a little late. This meant I missed the framing context in which these things I’m going to share with you were presented. However, they stand alone quite well, and I believe can be very beneficial as we move into the super busy 4-H season.
Key Questions
Here are three key questions we should keep in mind now and throughout the year: Is it true? Is it kind? Does it need to be said?
Every day, we experience a menagerie of things and situations. We work with people each and every day because we are in the people business. We are all human and make mistakes. With this work comes the potential for conflict. People come to us to help them. Help solve a problem. Help with a situation that has come about in their 4-H club. And the list goes on and on.
Now, take a moment and think back to when you were a child. Remember playing the game of telephone? Someone started you off with a phrase and that phrase (or some concoction of the phrase) made it down the line. By the time it made it to the last person, was it the same phrase? Rarely!
When volunteers, parents, and others come to us with a situation that they are asking us to help them with, it is important that we listen, gather the facts, and help. While these three questions may not always fit in every context and may need to be reframed, they are still relevant. So, remember to ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Does it need to be said?
Sentences Towards Wisdom
The people we serve expect us to have the answers to almost everything as it relates to our discipline. While we may know quite a bit, we are always learning. During this Morning Moments session, they also shared four sentences with us and described them as Sentences Towards Wisdom. These sentences make us vulnerable, but they also allow for growth.
- I don’t know. We do not know all things. But while we do not know something, usually we know someone who will know the answer OR someone who can point is in the right direction to find the answer. This is one of the many great things about our profession, we have a wide range of networks we can reach out to.
Do not hesitate to let someone know that you do not know the answer right then, but that you will find out more information and get back to them.
- I need help. It is rare for anyone to WANT to reach out for help. Most people prefer to be independent and not need to rely on anyone or anything else. The reality is we cannot do it all and be everything to everyone. Help is needed.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help. When we think specifically about 4-H, our program cannot thrive without our volunteers. We need all hands on deck to have a successful program. It is okay to ask for help!
- I am sorry. As mentioned earlier, we are all human and make mistakes. Sometimes we make a decision, say something we should not have, etc. and then realize it maybe was not the best decision.
Apologizing does not make one weak. It shows others you are self-aware and have reflected on the situation.
- I was wrong. Honestly, I’m not sure which is harder…to say I’m sorry or to admit when I am wrong. I am a firm believer that I learn more from my failures than my successes. From personal experience, when I have admitted when I’m wrong, it has opened up conversations and explored solutions that probably would never have occurred.
Just like saying “I am sorry,” admitting you are wrong does not make you weak, but shows your willingness to be vulnerable and open to working with others towards a better solution.
As we enter this busy 4-H season, do not forget to as yourself Is it true? Is it kind? Does it need to be said? and remember the four sentences towards wisdom and do not be afraid to use them: I don’t know, I need help, I am sorry, and I was wrong.